Acorn House, The Sick Children's Trust

Hello everyone, 

While Ademide "Cruz" was at the NICU at The Rosie Hospital in Addenbrooke's in Cambridge, I stayed at one of the The Sick Children's Trusts accommodation. They provide accommodation for parents while their child is in hospital receiving treatment. They are in the running to win some money towards a new kitchen at the Acorn House Sick Children's Trust accommodation at Addenbrooke's hospital. 

Could you please spare a couple of minutes to help Acorn House win a new kitchen?
The Sick Children's Trust has the chance of winning £5,000 towards the cost of a new kitchen in Acorn House in the Engage Mutual Foundation Community Awards - but they need your help to win!
To vote:
* Click here to visit the Engage Mutual Website
* Firstly register to vote, then click the link in your email inbox to verify your account
* Log in to the website
* Visit Acorn House project page and click on the vote button

Many thanks for your support - and happy voting!

You can read more about The Sick Children's trust 

Please leave a comment after voting.

Restoration...

This story is 4 years old, but I read it and it renewed my faith:

The Coble Family

They lost their 3 children (2 girls and 1 boy) in a car accident and a year to the date of the accident, they had triplets - 2 girls and 1 boy. Wow !!

A friend of mine just had a baby boy. Two years ago, she had a 2nd trimester miscarriage with her son that was due in March. Two years later, she's had a boy in March!

God must understand and is still in the business of miracles and restoration.

#thatisall

Living in the moment - #30inPhukhet

I spent an amazing week in Phukhet with 15 friends for my 30th birthday and it was amazing. We stayed at the Holiday Inn Mai Khao Beach - it's a beautiful private family owned resort in the secluded area of Mai Khao beach.

This trip to Phukhet was different from my first one, with such a large fun group it was packed with fun from the minute we landed :)

During the time we were there, Kola planned an amazing birthday on the beach for me! See pictures below :)

Life... Letters to my son...

This should be our month. We both share a birth month, me at the beginning and you right at the very end. This would probably have been the first birthday you had a general awareness, you would probably have made some cute colouring for me at nursery that I would have cherished for years. 

The baby and child section of the cemetery is an interesting place; you can tangibly feel the hopes and dreams mothers had for their child. I only ever see the mothers, we all drive up silently and methodically with our dark sunglasses, understanding and sharing in each other's grief but no words are spoken. 

Birthdays...

Yesterday, don't know why I did, but  I did anyway. I ventured onto the March 2012 moms board on The Bump. 

I found myself shedding tears as I read about the milestones their children have achieved. I found myself thinking of all the things my son should be doing now. 

Two friends have the 1st birthdays of their sons coming up. I'm very close to them but I can't help but feel a twinge of sadness and envy about the fact they get to celebrate. 

#thatisall

Happy Birthday

Dear Ademide,

Happy first birthday! I miss you so much - I wish we were having an awesome birthday party today but God must understand why. I'm sure you're having an amazing time in heaven. Till we meet again, I love you.

Love,
Mummy

Living in the moment - Santa Fun Run...

I participated in a 5k Santa Run today in Greenwich Park raising funds for Great Ormond Street Hospital where Ademide spent most of his time. Randomly ran into one of the audiologists that had seen Ademide :). Lots of fun with 22,000+ Santa's!

One year later....

"The paradox of modern medicine is that knowing doesn't always mean the outcome will be better. The ability to diagnose has absolutely raced ahead of the ability to care [and treat]" Source

A year ago today, I found out that my son had a right sided Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, R-CDH.

The day had started out great. It was my husband's first day at a great new job. We had gotten up bright and early. I made him breakfast and saw him off. Promising to call as soon as my ultrasound appointment was over. Although our local NHS PCT (primary care trust) does not disclose the sex of the baby, I fully intended to ask anyway. It was the most important thing - the irony !

I got to my appointment very late and even missed my slot but they managed to fit me in. I sat with other excited mom's and couples in the waiting room. If you wanted a picture, you needed exact change £2.50 or you could pay with a card. We all excitedly counted out our exact change and ogled at the couple who'd already had their scan and were staring loving at their pictures.

I wouldn't need my £2.50 then or ever. At every appointment, perhaps out of pity, I got tons of pictures. Even got the fancy 3D and 4D ones, and eventually got told that I was having a son - information that was no longer relevant. The new goal was healthy!

Living in the moment - Paris...

Thank you all for the kind comments on my "life among the living..." post. Here's an example of a great day my husband and I had in Paris 2 weeks ago. I'm very grateful for him and some amazing people God has placed in our lives.

I understand that God has a purpose for everything. However, it still hurts that my baby isn't here. I still have people who remember seeing me pregnant, come up to me and ask about my baby...

Living in the ICU for four months is an experience - we were surrounded by some of the sickest children in the UK and further (there were children from several EU countries, Canada and even the USA) at Great Ormond Street. It's easy to forget that millions more children are born healthy, and that you're surrounded with the select few. I'm adjusting to living in the moment...

Life among the living....

Some people just don't get it. Just let me be, there are good days and bad days. Today Ademide would have been 8 months. He's been gone 3 months and 23 days. When you bury a child, everything changes....

Play dates...

My friend had a baby three weeks ago, she had a perfect little boy. Another friend is due in December and is having a boy. We should be planning play dates and looking forward to our boys growing up and playing together. But my son isn't here #thatisall

What's on your whiteboard?

I read a metaphor by Elizabeth Edwards on another blog over the weekend. She likened life to a whiteboard on which to try to fit all the seemingly "important" things in life, constantly try to squeeze in more stuff. Then you experience the loss of a child and everything seems so trivial. Your whiteboard is again blank and this time, you're more careful with what you write on it. More thoughtful about what you fill your life with, whom you choose to allow in your life. You realize what the important things are, it's the "little" things that matter.
Seems cliche but spend more time saying "I love you", appreciate your loved ones, appreciate what you have because this life is fleeting. I'm so grateful and happy for the time I got to spend with Ademide. I wish we had more time together to experience more on this side but God has other plans. I will go to him but he won't come back to me.

As humans sometimes we see others go through tragic times and we say "I'll pray for you" with the sincerest of intentions but life gets in the way and in the midst of your prayers maybe the person gets a quick mention "God please comfort X" and you move on in your prayers. You thank God that you're not the one enduring the tragedy. Hey I've been there before. Then just like that it comes knocking at your door and your whole life changes.

I've had a lot of people say "oh you're so strong, I don't know how you keep it all together." I respond with thank God and I'm not being all Christianese. I really am so grateful to God, I'm actually much better than I thought I would be. Somehow I haven't lost my marbles and taken to running around London like a crazed person. It can only be God.

In Luke 22 : 31 - 32, the Bible talks about how the devil asked to sift Simon as wheat but Jesus said He had prayed for him that his faith would not fail so that he could strengthen his brethren. Perhaps, God has allowed me to experience this to be a blessing to others.

I guess when you experience tragedy and one as devastating as the death of a child it makes you realize what's important in life. It forces you to cling to God because nothing else makes sense.

I'm an uncommon woman and I've been called to walk an uncommon path. As I heard in Church once, there are places in God, you can't reach without enduring pain.

Awful but functioning...

For the four months and seven days that Ademide was here, my schedule and days were defined. I woke up, called to see how my son had been doing in the last 3 hrs since I called, I showered and went to his bedside. Then check his numbers, sats, FiO2, pressures, meds, nappies. Ward round, chat with docs about plans for the day. Pray for a quiet uneventful day, nappy change, pump, feeds, research medical jargon. Cuddles with my son. Bath time. Story/reading time. Physio. Ward round.

Now I have nothing to do. I wake up, shower, get dressed and sit at home. People keep asking "how are you?" "are you ok?" "are you bored?" how am I supposed to feel? My son died! He's not coming back. I'm ok, I'm functioning. Bored? "blank stare"

Miscarriages, infant loss (can't get over this term) my son isn't lost, he died. But I digress, neonatal death happens to a lot more people than you think. It's like a secret unspoken club, but once you qualify, suddenly the members open up and tell you about their loss. Sometimes others tell you about those that have had losses and then say but she has a little girl or boy now, so move on. It's only been 24 days, you just don't move on...

How do you answer the question "do you have children?" if you say yes, where is he? If you say no, it's like denying Ademide was here...

My personal favourite? Hurry up and have another child while you're still young... You'll feel better. Would it help? Maybe, at least maybe I wouldn't feel this horrible ache when I see mums with their babies or blissfully happy pregnant friends planning for their bundle of joy. But getting pregnant again comes with it's own stresses - the blissful ignorance is gone - ask any mom who's had a NICU baby, there are a million things that can go wrong and I am unfortunately aware of too many. Even a "textbook" pregnancy isn't all that, met a few moms in the cardiac ICU (CICU) at GOSH that had blissful pregnancies only to find their babies whisked away by ANTS (Acute Neonatal Transfer Service) hours after birth. Or even those that had blissful pregnancies, went home, had all the baby and toddler firsts only to take their 3 year old to the dr for flu like symptoms only to be blue lighted by CATS (Children's Acute Transfer Service) and to be told that your little perfect boy has cardiomyopathy and has 10 days to live...
The blissful ignorance is gone...like another DBM ( dead baby mom) put it you mentally consciously or unconsciously tag "if he / she lives" to thoughts about your children.

I cannot understand how people endure this without God, the only reason I still have hope and faith despite all these is because of Jesus. "In Christ alone my hope is found" that song just reminds me that no matter how bitter my situation is right now, there's hope and now I understand what the Bible means when it says we shouldn't mourn like those who don't have hope. Not that we shouldn't mourn at all, but even though weeping may endure, joy comes in the morning. I will have other children, I will be happy, I will be ok. But I will never forget Ademide.

I am the face....

This time last year, I was excited. I had just married a man that I love so much and we were going to have a baby! 

The biggest thing on my mind was if I would have a boy or a girl. On December 5, 2011, my life changed - my son was diagnosed with a right sided congenital diagphragmatic hernia. Three weeks later after seeing different specialists, I was told my son had a 10% chance of surviving if the only issue was the CDH, if anything else was found 0%.

My son was born premature on March 31, 2012 at 4.10am weighing 2.366kg.

He was eventually diagnosed with a Congenital Heart Defect, Tracheomalacia and Right Lung Hypoplasia amongst other issues.

He started off really well, then spent 10 days on ECMO life support, recovered, discussions about going home happened. Unfortunately, my son spent his 4 months and 7 days in the ICU.

My son died on August 7, 2012 at 6.05am. 

His name is Ademide 

The amniocentesis had come back normal, it was done twice at two independent locations. The genetics tests came back clear. Nothing I did caused it.

It was an unfortunate random event. 

I got a lifetime membership in a club that I never imagined I would join. 

I am forever changed...

The thought of my suffering and homelessness
is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this: The faithful love of the LORD never ends!
His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The LORD is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!” (Lamentations 3:19-24 NLT)

The journey since Malta...

Hello everyone, 
I'm back and married !
Hmmm the "all-white" pre-wedding party, the ceremony and reception all went beautifully ...


Of course a couple of things went wrong:
1. as mentioned in my previous post, my make-up artist cancelled on me at the last minute - however, I was able to find a Maltese lady who was able to do my make-up and that of my bridesmaids nicely...and my friends AJ and Temidee did the make-up for the pre-wedding party...
2. My parents as well as a couple of friends and family from Nigeria did not make it to Malta no thanks to the Italian embassy who held their passports hostage for no reasonable explanation :( . 
3. I got an infection on my eye - a stye - thanks to my friend E and sis-in-law Sis T, who's an ophthalmologist. Sis T did "surgery" on my eye the morning of my wedding just before I was to get my make-up done... She popped the stye and drained it... extremely painful 



Here are some pictures from the wedding weekend:

KOK and I at the pre-wedding party

some of my family @ the pre-wedding - they missed the memo  on the dress code, but they came and that's the most important thing

mr. and mrs. a

love this picture of us kneeling at the altar

my uncle walking me down the aisle

exchanging rings 

I think this was the point where PAI said he couldn't find "the kiss" in the program ;)

Updates from Malta...

Hello everyone ! Greetings from Malta :)

First off, the trip from Pittsburgh, albeit delayed went off well. One of my friends, E sent me off in style by having a very nice car service take me off to the airport.
The flight from Pittsburgh to NJ went pretty well - I slept throughout though, so I don't know if I'm in a position to judge the quality of the flight ;), but my pre-wedding dress had an entire overhead cabin to itself, so that was awesome.

Arrived in NJ, and was promply met by my friend and bridesmaid's sister, Shirley, (who can't make it to Malta because of she's starting B-school at Wharton and has some pre-school stuff). She whisked me off to pick up my dress, which had been beautifully packed. Thanks to the wonderful ladies at Something Special bridals - Lisa, Lynda and their mom, Irene.

Made it back to the airport and went to check-in, thankfully the nice Lufthansa attendant, turned a blind eye to my excess handluggage - I'm only allowed 1 but I had my purse, my little stroller, my huge wedding dress bag and pre-wedding dress bag...Sadly though no upgrade for me, my dresses did however, fly in the first-class cabin. The flight attendants on the flight from EWR to MUC were so excited to keep watch over my prized possessions, while I slept throughout the entire flight .

Made it to Munich, safely and geez, the airport is big or maybe because I had to lug my two dress bags, roller suitcase carry-on and oversize purse across the airport (a picture of me would have been awesome here, but just thought about it, oh well).

The flight attendants on Air Malta from MUC to MLA were even more fantastic, I got an upgrade without even asking! As soon as I got on the plane with my dresses, they promptly cleared closet up front for one of my dresses, and strapped the other across three first class seats :) then asked me for my seat # (20F, way in the back) and he said why don't you just sit up here :) Yay me !

Finally made it to Malta :) KOK and 9 of his groomsmen arrived shortly after, and I immediately distributed all my heavy stuff to the men. Actually didn't even grab my bags from the carousel until they arrived.

Now for the horrible news, remember my make-up trial from a few weeks ago? She cancelled on me ! Yup you read that right, 4 days to my wedding and my make-up artist cancelled ! Long story here with lots of excuses. I just simply asked for my deposit back and didn't engage in any conversations. It may seem like I'm pretty calm, but I was livid and unfortunately KOK got the short-end yesterday... Will update on the status of the make-up saga tomorrow...

I did however have my hair trial today at Alfie's Hair & Beauty Salon, I don't remember the lady's name but will get it when I post pictures from the actual wedding... She did a great job and I really liked it. She didn't use any product in my hair for the trial since it's a weave and I won't be washing it. I have quite a few of my guests attending the wedding who read my blog but nonetheless, I'll put up a few teaser pictures for my blogville friends :)
BTW, yes I did finally find someone in Pittsburgh to do my weave for me, although I had found folks in other places, last minute issues didn't allow me to leave Pittsburgh to do my hair. Thanks to my friend Ms. O for the hook-up ;)

top view

view with the famous veil ;)

Ok folks - that's all for now. It's 1.11am in Malta and the bride really should be getting some beauty sleep :)

Only five days left ...

Hello everyone, 


Yes this is really the final lap. I'm all packed up  - still need to pick up wedding dress in NJ today on my way to Malta. I was scheduled to do this on Saturday but series of events...
Anyway, I'm checked in for my flight and I'm sure everything will work out beautifully in the end...

toe accident

Yesterday, while rushing to pick up my contact lenses from my eye doctor, I stumbled on the concrete steps and wound-up with a horrible cut on my big toe - had to go to the ER and got a tetanus/diphtheria shot... It's expected that I should still be able to wear my cute wedding shoes...Excuse the non-manicured feet - I was also supposed to get a pedicure yesterday... Oh well already scheduled to get one in Malta for the wedding... I'll probably paint my toes sometime today though or at least take of the last bits of my very old nail polish...

wedding program production

Also spent the better part of yesterday and the night printing out my wedding programs (bad idea, don't leave stuff to the last minute) ... 

That's all for now - I'll update in the next couple of days while I'm in Malta and hopefully after the pre-wedding party as well...

Schengen Visa...

Anyone of you who's from Nigeria and only has a green passport (not those of you with dual citizenship and *red/blue passports in addition) has probably at some point or the other stood in line for a visa application.

When KOK and I chose Malta for our destination, we assumed since Malta was a Schengen State, the visa application process would be a breeze... It wasn't my first Schengen Visa, I had been to Rome just a year before...

Absolutely not! First indication was when I applied through the Maltese embassy for our site visit trip in February. They do not leave anything to chance, they called KOK to verify we were actually engaged, they called my wedding planner to verify we actually planned to meet with her, they called my employer to verify my employment, they called my health insurance to check that in the unlikely event that I need emergency medical services in the 4 days I would be in Malta, that I was covered... Finally, after theses exhaustive checks I was issued a Limited Territory Visa - permitting me entry into only Malta for exactly a period of 6 days !  It took ~ 2.5 weeks+ to get the visa

OK - they are just doing their job and subsequently after we've paid deposits and signed contracts with the vendors in Malta - this should get easier right?? Not quite...

Between the fact that you cannot apply for a Schengen visa greater than 3 months before intended date of travel and some personal trips I had planned, I didn't apply for my visa for the wedding until June 21. I had contacted the Maltese embassy to notify them that the trip in February had been great, and wedding plans were in full swing and they should expect visa applications from our guests...I confirmed the names of the guests that would be applying as well... 

Anyway, after almost calling the Maltese embassy daily since June 21, I finally received my passport in the mail today with my visa to travel for my wedding. Thanks to the fabulous folks at the Maltese embassy in DC - Mr. DG and Ms. NA. They answered my constant phone calls - even started greeting me by name. Also included with my visa was a letter wishing my groom and I all the best.

Some cool things that have happened as a result of having several people apply for visas for our wedding: 

1. Ms. NA at the embassy in Washington DC mentioned how beautiful my invitations were :) and told me I looked very pretty in the picture on the pre-wedding invitation.

2. At the Maltese embassy in Canada, my sister forgot to take a copy of the invitation but some other guests had applied, and taken their original invitation which the embassy retained on file - the consular lady in Canada says "O you're the sister of the bride, I have the invitation on file, very pretty" and pulls out our wedding invitation...

3. At the Maltese embassy in London, a friend handed over her visa documents and the consular officer says, "O you're going for K and K's wedding - you only have the pre-wedding invitation, where's your coral invite with the ribbon? " Luckily our friend had hers in her bag... 

All in all, everything has gone OK and I'm very grateful. 

*Red passport - British ; Blue passport - American

Checklist updates...

Today it's 3 weeks and 3 days left until I'm Mrs. A :) . This is the home stretch -the destination is in view -  I can't wait :) 


A couple of updates and checks off the to-do list: 

1. Over the weekend, I picked up my bridesmaids dresses for distribution - I have bridesmaids all over. I dropped off the ones going to London with my sis-in-law's sister (she's headed there this weekend), mailed one to a bridesmaid in St. Louis, MO and will mail off the two going to Nigeria this weekend to one of KOK's cousins (she's headed to Lagos next week). 
2. Had my last fitting - no pictures until after the wedding sorry - my veil also came in (veil part 1 & part 2), and everything looked gorgeous together - I'll be picking up at the end of the month, a few days before I fly out to Malta. I'm having slight panic attacks about that, hoping for some nice flight attendants on the Lufthansa flight, and hey, if it's not too much to ask, a free upgrade ;). Tried to upgrade with my FF miles but because my ticket is a heavily discounted group rate for the wedding, it's not eligible for upgrade awards :( . 
3. The RSVP's are still coming in, but the guest list is a moving target, but that's a story for another update - look out later this week. See the RSVP tracker at the top left of the page...
4. I am still unsure about my hair ! It's natural and I either wear it out as a fro (see pictures below) or in braids. Do not let the pictures deceive, it shrinks A LOT ! It's actually about 6"+ when straightened and I can put in a little ponytail... I'm planning to have a weave done, but no idea where to get it done. So if you know any great hair stylists in the Philadelphia, NJ (Jersey City area), NYC or even Baltimore, DC area please leave me a message. I am desperate ! 
5. Finally, had my make-up trial as well with Sade of HauteLook by Sadé. She's KOK's cousin, and will be doing my make-up for the wedding weekend festivities. Here are some pictures : I think I'll keep the pink instead of the red lips? What do you think? I'll do the red lips for the pre-wedding party on the Saturday before the wedding... 

It's July !

Today is July 1 and I'm getting married this month :) 
30 days to go !